Premarital counselling; mandatory or necessary?

Hello beautiful people,

I hope you have had a wonderful week so far. Today we are looking at premarital counselling; is it merely a mandatory requirement for a church wedding (as observed in our environment today), or is it really a necessary tool for a happy marriage? From my observation of intending couples in Nigeria today, premarital counselling is viewed as just another hurdle placed by the church for them to jump before reaching their goal. This mentality limits their ability to appreciate the importance of the counselling they receive, and its place in their marriage. Sad, isn't it? There are some benefits
of premarital counselling I would love to share with you, to help you make your decision on how important it really is.

• Helping you come to terms with your partner's personal history

Even if you have been in a relationship with each other for a long time, it doesn't make it certain that you are aware of or perfectly comfortable with the history, experience and emotional issues that you are both entering into the marriage with. There are some aspects of your personal life like your faith, health, finances, friendships, professional life and previous relationships, that just must be examined to prevent unpleasant surprises in the near future.
Deliberately crafted questions from an experienced counselor can help you come to terms with any part of your partner’s personal history that may be very instrumental in your relationship later in the marriage.

• Making good marriage decisions

Topics like sex, kids and money can easily overwhelm a couple emotionally when being discussed.  A counselor you both trust can help the conversation to go clearly and logically by asking questions that would point you in the right direction. This will keep you and your partner from deviating from the important issues and ultimately help you make decisions that can go a long way in sustaining an enviable marriage life.

• Helping to develop conflict resolution skills

Let's be honest – now and again there will undoubtedly be a few quarrels and conflicts. We have all had them. What's critical here is to see how you both have a tendency to respond at such a period. Do you sulk, or ignore each other? Does it come to verbally abusing and shouting at each other without restraint? A decent premarital counselor will help you be straightforward with yourself. He will demonstrate to you that there's most likely some opportunity to get better. Directing sessions like these show you how to listen and communicate better. Also, more imperatively, you will realise what not to say (and when not to say it) to achieve a genial arrangement.

• Achieving realistic expectations and long term plans 

A portion of counselling time should be spent with your partner, mapping out your long term plans together, while sharing your individual expectations of the future, and making compromises to accommodate each others' expectations. For example, spacing between kids, number of kids, ideal area to live in, investment preferences, the list in endless. When doing this, differences may arise and your counselor would help you see where you are being unreasonable or overly rigid. Making these decisions together help to reduce feelings of being sidelined later in the marriage.

• Helping you begin marriage on a clean slate

This is likewise a decent time to talk about and clear any issues or feelings of disdain that may have been festering in your relationship, to come up later on. Your counselor will help you straighten out these issues.

• Helping to dispel any fears about getting married

You would be astounded to know the number of people that suffer from sudden anxiety just before getting hitched. This could be as a result of the fact that one of the partners comes from a family with a separation history. Matters can get even worse when one of them has a broken family foundation full full of fighting and control. Premarital counselling will show you how to break the shackles of the past and proceed to a fresh start with your partner.

• Reducing marital stress

When you date somebody, you overlook certain propensities or conducts of your partner without pushing a lot on it. These same things can seem annoying after marriage. Funny, right? An accomplished marriage counselor, with his "outsider's point of view", can help you come to terms with these behaviors and habits that can put your partner off.

If for any reason, you missed out on premarital counselling and you would like some help in getting the benefits outlined above, it is never too late to seek help from a marriage counselor. There is no shame in a married couple getting help from a marriage counselor. If anything, it speaks of their high level of commitment to each other and their marriage and family.

I hope you have gained a thing or two from this post. i would love to hear your thoughts on this, please drop your thoughts, comments, contributions and experiences in the comments section below. Also watch out for more posts on this space. Till them, keep smiling and spreading love.

Debs corner.