Struggling with secondary infertility? 5 tips for coping.

Hello beautiful people,

Today we are looking at secondary infertility. Just so we are all on the same page, secondary infertility refers to a couple's difficulty in conceiving a baby after having unprotected regular sex for at least a year, having had at least one child before either with each other or different partners. It is easy to heave a sigh of relief when you conceive easily for the first time, thinking all fertility issues are over but that is not always the case.  According to a national survey of family growth listed on Parents.com, more than a million couples struggle with secondary infertility. 








This situation can be very frustrating for couples
who had no difficulty having their previous children, especially as they watch couples around them, go on to have their second, third, fourth babies, and so on. Couples facing this usually struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, depression and a sense of loss especially in our country where many family members and even friends make comments about the situation without regards for the feelings of the couple. 

Although it is one of the hardest situations to live through, i have 5 tips for coping which i will share with you.

• Be in the care of a fertility specialist

Once you feel like the long wait to conceive another baby is out of the ordinary, please do not delay any longer. See your Ob/Gyn with your partner to discuss your fears. He/she may refer you to a fertility specialist if need be. It is very important to be in the care of a doctor you and your spouse are comfortable with, and who will take your concerns seriously. There are basic, non invasive tests available that could help in diagnosing simple issues like ovulation problems and low sperm count. Even if your doctor feels there is no cause for alarm, it is better to hear from a professional and be sure than to wait it out yourself in anxiety.

• Don't wait to start your family life

In some traditions in Nigeria, it is a pretty common saying that "one child is no child'. I say arrant nonsense. A good way to cope with secondary infertility is to start living your dream as a family. Don't wait till you have more children to set up that beautiful children's bedroom, to start some family traditions,  to take that family vacation, or  to take family portraits. There is absolutely no reason why you should feel like less than a family because you have one child. Begin to build your home and set your family values and traditions so you are all set up when the expansion finally happens.

• Make love, not make a baby

Easier said than done, right? As hard as it may seem thinking about it, it gets easier once you start. Try to retain the excitement and intimacy that comes with making love in your bedroom. Think of a baby as the 'by- product' of sexual intercourse and not as the reason for it. you would find that it helps you and your spouse to relax and enjoy your time together and barring any other medical issues, a baby would soon follow.

• A problem shared.....

It is very important to share your concerns with family and trusted friends, particularly couples who might have gone through the same situation or are still going through it. You could compare and share strategies for dealing with the situation and even if no solutions come from sharing, it is always better to lighten your mental load by sharing and getting support. As they say, ' a problem shared is half solved'.

• Avoid the two week routine

When battling with secondary infertility, it is easy to fall into the routine of feeling anxious and hopeful in the two weeks between your ovulation and getting your menstrual period and feeling angry and disappointed in the two weeks between your menstrual period and ovulation again. My advise; stop living your life for the sole purpose of having a baby. Have fun, indulge in hobbies, go visiting, do some charity work. As hard as it may seem, try to take your mind off of conceiving a baby. Before long, you will get a pleasant surprise.

I hope you have learnt a thing or two from this post.  I sure would love to get your feedback. Please send your thoughts, experiences and comments in the comments section below. Also watch out for more posts on this blog. Till then, keep smiling and spreading love.

Debs corner.